I want to be able to say this…

Though he slay me, I will hope in him;

Job 13:15

Family Resemblance

I always thought I looked like my dad, but this makes me feel like Mom totally won out!

New Years Hopelutions!

January 4, 2010 I wrote the following resolutions:

1. Read the Bible regularly.

Things were pretty good January-Feb. Unclear about what happened from March to November.  Bible reading is resuming again thanks to my new Bible Reading Plan – 30 Stories You’ve probably Never Heard Of (Totally hilarious, entertaining and inspiring)

2. Pray with Tim every night.

Fail fail fail.  100% on me for turning into a pumpkin at 8:00pm on school nights.

3.  Learn to cook Korean and Chinese food.

I made amazing Bul Gogi one day in February and called it a year.

4. Read a book a month.

Try 16.  Yeah UH!  Runaway favorite – The Help.  Most Haunting – Under the Banner of Heaven.  Most Overrated – The Tipping Point.  Guilty Pleasure – He’s Just Not That Into You.

5. Figure out how to use my camera.

I’m about 50% there.  I’m learning how to control my exposure and white balance a little better… but still not getting exactly what I imagine in my head.

6. Post pictures.

Total fail.

7. Blog twice a month.

Epic fail.

I used to make resolutions every January.  On a good year, I would make new ones the next year.  If it was a normal year, I would keep remake the same resolutions.  Last year, my pastor shared something that radically changed my view of resolutions.  He said “Resolutions are great in some ways.  They are also very self-centered because it is the belief that we can manipulate our world in order to have significance, accomplishment, and joy.  Jesus needs to be our deepest joy and all of our significance.”  I often think that discipline is the secret to success.  If only I can discipline myself and lesson plan sooner, work out more often, and communicate more with my friends… I will be a better <teacher/wife/daughter/sister/friend>.  Though wanting to be a good teacher/wife/daughter/sister/friend is a good thing, it is not the ultimate thing.  Sometimes resolutions can shuffle and magnify priorities in a skewed way.  I admit that sometimes, a lot of times, I get obsessed with being a good homemaker.  If my home is messy, if we have to eat out because I didn’t plan ahead enough to cook dinner, if things aren’t organized, I feel like a failure.  How pathetic that I let my significance get wrapped up in these things!   This year I want to call myself out on these things sooner.  Feel free to punch me when you see me getting wrapped up in litte things.

Blogapathy

Recently I’ve been inspired to think of myself less.  Self-referencing can be such a time-consuming pursuit.  Take for example, some typical thoughts that cycle in my head on a given morning:

What should I get for breakfast.

I miss listening to NPR. 

I feel so awkward.

I really like hanging out with them.  They always make me laugh.

Ugh.  I can’t believe she did that.  I can’t get over it!

My stomach feels weird.

After someone had challenged me to keep a mental tally of how often I thought about myself in a day, I concluded that the only way I could escape this was to be unconscious!  Looking back on my xanga days, I now see that I wrote so much because I wanted so much to be known.  I wanted people to know and love my family.  I wanted to people to know weird things about me that only a good friend would know.  I wanted people to know about my angst and think that I had substance.  

Not that I don’t want to known anymore.

It’s just that I realized that I am known.  I’ve always been known.

Blogapathy.

Oh my Goodness.

I thought I would be devastated the day I would have to say bye to my car, but it has been so good!   This weekend, I made my first big big big purchase.  I bought a 2009 Honda Fit.   Everything about this experience has everything to do with God.

1. My old car breaking down in the midst of a bad economy = Desperate Dealerships = Good deals & financing rates!
2. Tim’s flexible work schedule that allowed him to pick me/drive me to work for a couple days.
3. Roommates that so generous in offering their time and cars so that I would not be lame.
4. My school is walking distance to a train station that is a direct line to Downtown Mountain View.
5. Shannon and my family came to visit last weekend and lifted my spirits.
6. I had plenty of time to do some last minute research/number crunching because of finals last week.
7. Going to the Honda Dealership with Hsin.  His expertise singlehandedly resulted in a very happy Candy, and a not so happy general sales manager who had to let car go without making a killing.  I was in and out in 2.5 hours.
8. My parents helping me with the downpayment of the car!
9. Stable job to make payments.
10. Unfreakingbeliveably awesome new car smell that makes me want to take deep breaths everytime I drive.

I was praying on Saturday that God would help me  love Him better through this car (sounds strange I know).   So if you need a ride anywhere or need to move things,  seriously let me know.   I would be so happy to be able to help!

The time has come…

to say goodbye to Charlie.  My once trustworthy companion has decided to call it quits.  Maybe he misses San Diego.  Maybe norcal was too cold.  Maybe he’s teaching me a lesson by his death that I need to go back to a Japanese car.  The only consolation tonight came when the mechanic said “I wouldn’t take a Ford if someone gave it to me for free.”  I mustered a genuine giggle in the midst of the pain of loss.

I will always remember what Pastor Matt says about getting over someone.  “The best way to get over Sally is not to think of reasons you shouldn’t like Sally… but like Sarah instead!”

Car salesmen, hit me with your best shot.  I am ready to rebound.

Welcomed Changes?

I’ve experienced marked changes in my life since the big move 3 months ago.  You’d think 100 days wouldn’t do much to change someone.  I beg to differ. 

1.  I am turning pale.  My sandal tan only exists in my memory.  I’m seriously considering fake baking so that people can distinguish my wedding dress from my skin.

2.  I’m reading more.  I am currently reading The Working Poor.

3.  I bring resuseable bags to grocery shop. 

4.  I frequent Whole Foods at least once a month.

5.  I cook all the time (or at least it seems like it).

I am scared of what’s next.  Birkenstocks?  Quinoa?  North Face Fleece? AHHH!!!

Jumping on the Bandwagon!

And in other news, my handsome guy just launched his website!  Make sure you bump up the audio while you look through the website because we spent HOURS looking for that song.  It would make me feel so much better that people out there (other than me & Tim) are enjoying the musical stylings of Ray Lamontagne while looking at beautiful pictures.

Do Resuscitate

I admit I have been a selfish blogger.  Ever since I started reading blogs on google reader, I have enjoyed reading so many random blogs I forget that I should bring something to the potluck – even if it’s just soda (no offense to the soda bringers out there).

Speaking of which, did you know that my fiance Tim drinks more coke per day than anyone in the world?

Call me a cop out…

Tim sent me this today, and I couldn’t agree more.

“Lastly, for those preachers who have gotten sidetracked for the cause of a false king and a false kingdom by making too much of the election and too little of Jesus, today is a good day to practice repentance in preparation to preach it on Sunday. Just give it some time. The thirst will remain that only Jesus can quench. So, we’ve still got work to do….until we see King Jesus and voting is done once and for all.”  –Mark Driscoll

Janine reminded me today how awesome it is that we get to vote.  So so true.  Hurray for democracy!